Constant Reorganizing

 Life has a predictable way of being unpredictable. Thank the Lord that we can trust him and he is all knowing, all loving, omnipresent and never changing. I think of all the changes in life and it can be exhausting! My wonderful daddy went to heaven January 19, 2025. I know because he was washed by the blood of Christ. His battle with FTD was a long one. Cindy continued to care for him up until the last few months and then everything quickly went down hill with a fall breaking his femur, sickness and then ultimately his grand departure to sing in the choir of angels.

He had gone to the nursing home in August. The same one that his mother and grandmother last lived life at. I got to be there, I had spent 3 nights there with him. It was morning and things had become quite clear his time was soon. As I stared into his beautiful blue eyes, locked in love and care, I recited Psalm 23 as I brushed my hand on his head in comfort. I began singing "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus," the final song our family gathered and sang around his own father's deathbed. I was weeping to know that his moments were close, to which he looked sharply to the right and at that moment I know he was going into the arms of our Savior Jesus. Love you forever, daddy. Thank you for all your wisdom, guidance and love. Curtis Dale Olson's Life Slideshow

Many parts of my life are different from where I could have imagined my life, with great honor I am reminded who I am in Christ quite often, as the days can be long. We now have 14 children, 2 son-in-laws, 3 grandchildren and 2 on the way. What commotion and excitement our full house will bring at times! Currently there are 9 kids in the home.  Those include 3 adult sons that need supports, my baby boy who is graduating this year, the 3 youngest biological girls that give us a run, and 2 little girls we are adopting in May 2026.

Never seems a dull moment and with our relationships, dynamics, home and lives it is in contant reorganizing. For this I am grateful for a Great High Priest whose name is Love as I am an epic failure and in constant need of renewal and thanksgiving to the Father. 

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

Time

As time goes on I find myself wondering why. Why did God have to take my Dad? Dementia is a slow and painful loss. The worst for me is my kids. I don't understand why my kids will not get to know my dad and instead will have to see and know this disabled, unpredictable, and weird man. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He is still at home and my step-mom is an amazing wife to him and for that we are SO grateful. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When people lose their dads they plan a funeral and are sad and may cry quite a bit while processing that and for the week of the funeral there is the raw emotion of loss, I would imagine a couple days of tears. This is being drawn out and it miserable to have him decline in his behaviors and to regress in his brain function. My dad was so smart. My dad was the smartest man I ever knew! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There was many times in my life I would have said I probably hated my dad. There were many times I know my dad didn't do the best thing for me, but he always did the best he could and was very intentional about everything he did. He knew quite a bit about a wide variety of things, was a "jack of all trades," could fix anything, was very logical, and loved us kids. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He can't go into busy stores anymore. He is saying loud and rude things to people. He claps his hands and whistles. He doesn't remember cousins, lifetime memories, or what the food is called he is eating. He doesn't have any interest in people or relationships. He is losing his cause and effect/reasoning and that is most apparent with his hygiene and little tactics that had been working to get him to shower. He doesn't want a haircut either. He just wants to play his iPad, drink pop, smoke cigarettes, eat at the bakery every morning, and take naps. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My mom and dad met at a Bible camp in Onamia, MN as staff. He later joined the US Army and served in Thailand and Hawaii. When we were little he worked for Medtronic. One of my earliest memories of my dad is when I was little I would love to climb on his lap when he was talking and having a conversation and laying my head on his chest to hear the vibration and hum of his voice. He would play little games with us and trap us in his legs or hugs and say, "caught in a trap," and often the release terms were us to say "I am safe in the arms of Jesus." Or "mercy." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I remember when he brought home the microwave, VCR player, and video recorder. That thing was huge! He followed us around and set up the tripod over dinner. We were so surprised to see how fast we wolfed down our food! We used to go to Valleyfair every summer for the medtronic work picnic. We were riders, and loved the corkscrew! I remember sitting up late and playing Monopoly with him. I remember yelling back and forth with him trapped in the bathroom, me yelling "SPIDER!" and him yelling "FIRE?" until hie broke the door down. I was 8, he was ANGRY! He was a worker. He knocked walls down once for a remodeling project. He would dig trenches every spring along the driveway so it would not get muddy. He was very frugal and would do anything he could himself instead of paying for it. We had one of those garage mechanic holes and I would ask for him and I remember being really confused how he got down there! We went on vacations quite a few times and he provided for our family. One trip to the Black Hills, I distinctively remember too many Spam sandwiches, they must have had a sale, but we would pull over and throw together some span sandwiches and then get back on the road. Our eventful Yellowstone vacation started with our Suburban's tranny going out before we even got out of MN. We had a cookie at Charlie's in Freeport while my mom and dad figured out what to do. We wound up renting a car and had to squeeze not only the six of us in there but all our luggage into the little trunk. We had nice big hard luggage sets and had to transfer everything into black garbage bags. The funny thing was once we got into Yellowstone there was an 80 mile detour and this was 9 at night and dark. My dad went into the hotel who are all connected in the park because our cabin was really a short distance and we would have been there in 10-15 minutes. I got to go with him and the worker was basically saying sorry, drive careful. My dad basically said something like this, "well let me tell you that if anything happens to my family on the dangerous 80 mile detour then I will be sure to hold you personally responsible..." something meaningful was exchanged because they offered us to lodge at closer place for the night. So here the Olson's come trampsing in the 5 star trying to hide a black garbage bag or two. That was an awesome lodge though! We still enjoyed our cabin though, it was right at Old Faithful! He later left Medtronic and went to school for watchmaking, what his father had done. I believe he took over Grandpa's clients even and did work for some of the fines jewelers in MN with pick ups at J.B.Hudson in Minneapolis and other incredible jobs. He fixed rolexes, grandfather clocks, and anything! He was a stickler and I got the most spankings. I would laugh and he would spank me harder, I just didn't want to give him the satisfaction of making me cry. Once I put a book in my pants! He wasn't a perfect dad, but he cared about us kids and wanted us to be responsible, educated, and believers in Jesus. He would pull my teeth out for me and once made a contraption involving a wooden car and a door to do the yank! He was resourceful, witty, and smart. He also quit smoking for me, I must have been persistant! He quit smoking for 8 years I think. Divorce is hard for kids and parents. During that time was when he realized that he hadn't been living for Jesus and immersed himself with the church. Him, Eva, and I were baptized together at Crockers house on Skogman Lake by Pastor Eckerholm with First Baptist Church Cambridge. I remember being in junior high and thinking it was boring that he always wore his mustache. I finally talked him into shaving his mustache off and he surprised me and came to one of my basketball games. I was shocked and surprisingly disappointed- he kind of had buck teeth and I liked the mustache better too! He moved me when I left for college. That was a good thing so he was invited in my life, for a few years before that though during my rebellion we were fairly disconnected. But he was always there and always loved me, and I always knew that. I could call him anytime, he knew something about everything, and by that time was also a strong believer and encourager of God's word. Libby, his first grandchild, he loved so tenderly. The day she was born I remember he was so fascinated and said, "her lips are smaller than my thumbnail!" Him and Cindy would come atleast twice a week to see her, often we would go to Mexican Village too. He would have Diet Coke and a chimichanga no onion. He never liked onions or peppers. He was an outdoorsman, hunting and fishing. He would come home with a trailer of dead dear and we would go see them. He would train for hunting by walking 3 miles a day and drink a gallon of water a day. That may have been for the elk hunting trips in Idaho with his brother. He would drink a can of diet coke when he made supper. Him and my mom used to have a cup of coffee after supper together too, and we always had desert! He would buy treats and we could have E.L.Fudge cookies, 2 each. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He was a good dad. I miss him. I am sad that my kids have to know this other person and that Cindy has to take care of him and that he doesn't even know and if he did he wouldn't even want to be here and I feel the same way and why does God even do this and how long will he live and I hope this never happens to me or anyone else in my family. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lord, thank you for my dad and for all that he taught me and showed me in life. Lord, as your will be done he is showing us new things about caring for people and understanding this horrid dementia. Please keep him safe, please refresh and renew Cindy and give her strength even when the time comes if he cannot stay at home. You are sovereign and you know our hearts. Lord hear our prayers and bless our family. Amen

23 Me

Caught in a sea of dreaded weight,

This weary mind delightfully woven

Through piercing callings of divine worth.

Cast me not away from you presence oh

Lord.

Draw me to your waters.

Never ending never cease in what is 

honor and glory for your name sake.

Tossed and torn in Earthly demands  clothed in your promises, righteousness, security.

Here today and gone tomorrow for what season is your majesty to unfold.

Strangely dim is my thoughts of this world, you mend the broken.

You replenish

You restore

You guide 

Thanks be to God the ways of this life are not for my worry nor my understanding.

My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Grieving

Frontotemporal Dimensia is the lead. 2-10 years, he probably had it for 4 years already- since the job loss, which is really common for those affected by this chronic disease. Currently being treated like a criminal since he couldn't maintain sobriety and now the judge recognized confusion, what we have been fighting for for over a year; and he is awaiting his rule 20 evaluation to see if he is competent in the court proceedings. If they find he is not is what we are uncertain about. There isn't anything being lined up to offer anything different for the courts, and my hands are tied- but hopefully the court will not mandate a state institution or something. It is sad becuase he doesn't know what's happening. And yet he gets screen visit for 20 minute intervals up to three times a week, none of which are convenient for me. I will go see him, but how wrong that he is getting treated this way when it is a brain disease that is causing his problems.

The letter

It is with a heavy heart I want everyone to know what is going on with my dad, incase you are led to encourage him by mail. He was doing good upon his release of serving his time, I believe he got out mid April. But evidently he started drinking a couple weeks ago, this I learned last Tuesday when we visited him and he displayed his inability to stay sober. I asked him if he just wanted to be a drinker and he said no, he likes cigarettes too. Wife said if that was his lifestyle he wold have to live alone, he said probably. The next day he took off only to be arrested after spending the night in a hotel and then becoming belligerent and unsafe at a local business. The owner called Wife. Dad was booked on disorderly conduct and also 5th degree assault- fear of bodily harm or death. Bail was set, not sure if he even tried calling Wife, she is ready to walk- he is disconnected and unable to recognize what is even normal behavior. Conditions to bail are that he pay for and use the alcohol monitoring, so quite certain he will serve time until his July 19 court date. If you have time, perhaps send him a note reminding him he has many years left that can be good or bad, that he needs to do what his kids are saying and his wife and he can get through this. Honestly, I am going to write him and just put it all on the table, because I think he isn't even understanding concepts and his mind has become mushy and disorientated. But that should not stop us from trying! Please pray that God removes these challenges for him and renews his mind to be focused on being healthy and connecting with his family and others, even that he gets psychiatric care. It really sucks to think his elderly years might be so consumed with this alcoholism and mental health yuck. He did visit a neurologist; however, he seemed to pass their random office tests and Wife chose to not give the letter my brother had written identifying the bizarre and concerning behaviors, she claims they discussed those things, yet I remain unclear and disappointed as to why she didn't give the letter. Please pray for him and consider sending him some truths, he is confused and consumed in delusions and fog right now. His little chore lists from his wife, who works wayyyy too much; and crosswords caught up to him and the reality of him being incompetent to engage with the community and feel worthless about his current statuses leads him to drink, straight vodka. Anyhow, we appreciate your prayers and any insights for him you might have. Perhaps a flood of love might rock his boat enough to find peace and wisdom from God to find s self again. Thanks,

Not Getting Hung Up

Is one of my faults. I get hung up on minor details, believe the lie that they are not minor, and sabotage my goals of bonding and teaching my children the big picture. The truth is that there are enough minor issues that make it the big picture, but getting upset because my husband let a teenager cut off some jeans horribly and then wear them, is just a distraction. I cannot worry about the petty things, because it is exhausting. Yes, the shorts will be evened out before he can wear them again. No, he will not be making shorts to avoid having to wear the other shorts. Rigid thinking, unreasonable reason, illogical logic, and processing problems play into the minor details that require me to stop and think, and chose what the best response is. I actually need to learn to not respond. I have always been very intuitive, observative, and efficient. It makes me hyper-vigilant at times and for that I am working on trying to be more relaxed and not worry about what could happen, but rather what is happening, what has happened and why. In education advocacy, in theraputic services, in parenting traumatized children, there are advantages to seeing the next step, staying ahead, and being proactive versus reactive in decisions. In the family life that is not always the case, not if there are people that are lower functioning and always going to do things against the grain. For years they have tried getting the triange peg shaved down to fit into the circle hole, but I need to make the hole bigger because it is too frustrating and inneffective to think that the peg is going in. I just doesnt work. What is my problem and what is theirs? I have one thing to do with these kids and it is to be their mom. Not all moms recognize and have superficial visions for their kids. And if they do, they do not have 8 kids of which half have disabilities. It is okay if my kids cut offs are 4 inches different. He survived the day and the sun has rose again. His mercies are new each morning. I cannot believe the lies that there is greater value in the appearance of some ratty cut offs than me being a kind mother that encourages relationship over materialism or concerns of what others may think. The only true judge is God, and he has given this life to us. I need to choose to obey and set example. Choose joy. Choose happiness, be that model for this home and love my kids, teach them patience, love, and understanding. Keep it up because the Lord is on my side, keep it up there is good news on the inside. Don't get hung up on the little could have been should have been don't get stuck in what won't be here in the end. What's of value and who is the judge, stomp out the lies and do not budge... On who is your King and what is his rule, who is the boss and who is the fool, Don't get hung up on the lies and the mistakes, for you make them yourself and those chains have to break. For bondage to my own kingdom has failed once again, been washed by the blood of the lamb. He saves my soul and can save yours too, he takes my mistakes and gives me life new. Don't get hung up on what doesn't count, Christ paid the price at any amount.

Broken

Growing up my dad was a recovering alcoholic. I vaguely remember him drinking beer and getting a sip as preschooler on his lap, nice, yeah, I know:) But he was sober for 28 years. He was a rock for me. Maybe that is where my restlessness is stirring from, when you live your life and know things that then are no longer true. I feel like my dad is gone. My dad, who for years and years, knew the answer to everything. He was the smartest person ever, when in doubt, ask Dad! That changed a few years ago, and he seemed to be in a funk that led him to drink or his drinking got him there to being with. One will likely never know. He had gotten a college degree and worked for a great company for many years. He started to be stressed and trapped at work, they were refusing to give him assistance and had eliminated support positions and were bullying him. It was the year of the babies. All four of my siblings had babies within 6 months of eachother. My sister had moved out to Michigan for her hubby to get his free ride to law school, smart son of a gun. Must have been August 2010. It wasn't until that October that we learned that on the move my Dad had gone and got some vodka and got plastered. He couldn't keep it a secret any longer like his wife had been. My brother-in-law was confided in and respected that enough to think it was a one time thing or something that was on the mend. Instead it turned out to be a nightmare that seems finally over. This includes felony charges, yet i would minimize. He lost his right to bear firearms and hunt, a component to my Dad's ever existence. Right now he is choosing sobriety, but I am leaning more because of an incompetency in his skills and understanding at this point. I grieve the loss of my Dad, he is no longer approachable, knowledgable, caring, concerned, or helpful. He has a cross of alcohol brain damage or the start of alzhiemers. He is my Dad and I love him, this is just an unforeseen part of his aging and it sucks.