Time

As time goes on I find myself wondering why. Why did God have to take my Dad? Dementia is a slow and painful loss. The worst for me is my kids. I don't understand why my kids will not get to know my dad and instead will have to see and know this disabled, unpredictable, and weird man. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He is still at home and my step-mom is an amazing wife to him and for that we are SO grateful. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When people lose their dads they plan a funeral and are sad and may cry quite a bit while processing that and for the week of the funeral there is the raw emotion of loss, I would imagine a couple days of tears. This is being drawn out and it miserable to have him decline in his behaviors and to regress in his brain function. My dad was so smart. My dad was the smartest man I ever knew! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There was many times in my life I would have said I probably hated my dad. There were many times I know my dad didn't do the best thing for me, but he always did the best he could and was very intentional about everything he did. He knew quite a bit about a wide variety of things, was a "jack of all trades," could fix anything, was very logical, and loved us kids. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He can't go into busy stores anymore. He is saying loud and rude things to people. He claps his hands and whistles. He doesn't remember cousins, lifetime memories, or what the food is called he is eating. He doesn't have any interest in people or relationships. He is losing his cause and effect/reasoning and that is most apparent with his hygiene and little tactics that had been working to get him to shower. He doesn't want a haircut either. He just wants to play his iPad, drink pop, smoke cigarettes, eat at the bakery every morning, and take naps. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My mom and dad met at a Bible camp in Onamia, MN as staff. He later joined the US Army and served in Thailand and Hawaii. When we were little he worked for Medtronic. One of my earliest memories of my dad is when I was little I would love to climb on his lap when he was talking and having a conversation and laying my head on his chest to hear the vibration and hum of his voice. He would play little games with us and trap us in his legs or hugs and say, "caught in a trap," and often the release terms were us to say "I am safe in the arms of Jesus." Or "mercy." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I remember when he brought home the microwave, VCR player, and video recorder. That thing was huge! He followed us around and set up the tripod over dinner. We were so surprised to see how fast we wolfed down our food! We used to go to Valleyfair every summer for the medtronic work picnic. We were riders, and loved the corkscrew! I remember sitting up late and playing Monopoly with him. I remember yelling back and forth with him trapped in the bathroom, me yelling "SPIDER!" and him yelling "FIRE?" until hie broke the door down. I was 8, he was ANGRY! He was a worker. He knocked walls down once for a remodeling project. He would dig trenches every spring along the driveway so it would not get muddy. He was very frugal and would do anything he could himself instead of paying for it. We had one of those garage mechanic holes and I would ask for him and I remember being really confused how he got down there! We went on vacations quite a few times and he provided for our family. One trip to the Black Hills, I distinctively remember too many Spam sandwiches, they must have had a sale, but we would pull over and throw together some span sandwiches and then get back on the road. Our eventful Yellowstone vacation started with our Suburban's tranny going out before we even got out of MN. We had a cookie at Charlie's in Freeport while my mom and dad figured out what to do. We wound up renting a car and had to squeeze not only the six of us in there but all our luggage into the little trunk. We had nice big hard luggage sets and had to transfer everything into black garbage bags. The funny thing was once we got into Yellowstone there was an 80 mile detour and this was 9 at night and dark. My dad went into the hotel who are all connected in the park because our cabin was really a short distance and we would have been there in 10-15 minutes. I got to go with him and the worker was basically saying sorry, drive careful. My dad basically said something like this, "well let me tell you that if anything happens to my family on the dangerous 80 mile detour then I will be sure to hold you personally responsible..." something meaningful was exchanged because they offered us to lodge at closer place for the night. So here the Olson's come trampsing in the 5 star trying to hide a black garbage bag or two. That was an awesome lodge though! We still enjoyed our cabin though, it was right at Old Faithful! He later left Medtronic and went to school for watchmaking, what his father had done. I believe he took over Grandpa's clients even and did work for some of the fines jewelers in MN with pick ups at J.B.Hudson in Minneapolis and other incredible jobs. He fixed rolexes, grandfather clocks, and anything! He was a stickler and I got the most spankings. I would laugh and he would spank me harder, I just didn't want to give him the satisfaction of making me cry. Once I put a book in my pants! He wasn't a perfect dad, but he cared about us kids and wanted us to be responsible, educated, and believers in Jesus. He would pull my teeth out for me and once made a contraption involving a wooden car and a door to do the yank! He was resourceful, witty, and smart. He also quit smoking for me, I must have been persistant! He quit smoking for 8 years I think. Divorce is hard for kids and parents. During that time was when he realized that he hadn't been living for Jesus and immersed himself with the church. Him, Eva, and I were baptized together at Crockers house on Skogman Lake by Pastor Eckerholm with First Baptist Church Cambridge. I remember being in junior high and thinking it was boring that he always wore his mustache. I finally talked him into shaving his mustache off and he surprised me and came to one of my basketball games. I was shocked and surprisingly disappointed- he kind of had buck teeth and I liked the mustache better too! He moved me when I left for college. That was a good thing so he was invited in my life, for a few years before that though during my rebellion we were fairly disconnected. But he was always there and always loved me, and I always knew that. I could call him anytime, he knew something about everything, and by that time was also a strong believer and encourager of God's word. Libby, his first grandchild, he loved so tenderly. The day she was born I remember he was so fascinated and said, "her lips are smaller than my thumbnail!" Him and Cindy would come atleast twice a week to see her, often we would go to Mexican Village too. He would have Diet Coke and a chimichanga no onion. He never liked onions or peppers. He was an outdoorsman, hunting and fishing. He would come home with a trailer of dead dear and we would go see them. He would train for hunting by walking 3 miles a day and drink a gallon of water a day. That may have been for the elk hunting trips in Idaho with his brother. He would drink a can of diet coke when he made supper. Him and my mom used to have a cup of coffee after supper together too, and we always had desert! He would buy treats and we could have E.L.Fudge cookies, 2 each. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He was a good dad. I miss him. I am sad that my kids have to know this other person and that Cindy has to take care of him and that he doesn't even know and if he did he wouldn't even want to be here and I feel the same way and why does God even do this and how long will he live and I hope this never happens to me or anyone else in my family. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lord, thank you for my dad and for all that he taught me and showed me in life. Lord, as your will be done he is showing us new things about caring for people and understanding this horrid dementia. Please keep him safe, please refresh and renew Cindy and give her strength even when the time comes if he cannot stay at home. You are sovereign and you know our hearts. Lord hear our prayers and bless our family. Amen